


Marigolds and Peonies

by Cyan (vehicroids)



Category: Tales of Zestiria
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Growing Up Together, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, POV Second Person, Pre-Canon, Sormik Week 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 14:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20155324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vehicroids/pseuds/Cyan
Summary: You've seen seraphim in the village kiss before, and you want that. You want Sorey to be so floored by the flowers that he'll kiss you. Honestly, you don't give much thought as to why you want this, but you want it. Is it because you're family? Well, the village is a big family, and people in the village kiss, so it's normal to want to kiss Sorey.Isn't it?Peony {Bashfulness ; Anger} || Marigold {Jealousy ; Despair} - for SorMik Week 2019





	Marigolds and Peonies

Seraphim are born of pure springs of mana, and humans are born of other humans. Yet somehow, you and Sorey ended up raised by the man you call Gramps. You aren't related to him, but he's still your grandpa. For some reason, Sorey isn't your brother in your eyes. You love him all the same.

According to Gramps, you're a couple of months older than Sorey, which makes you feel a decade older. However, he's taller than you, and you feel like a garden gnome next to him. It's an argument with no winner, for you are the oldest, yet he is the tallest. You argue over stupid things, but it's what children do.

You're eight years old when you start to understand what being human really means. You've always been able to sense it from Sorey, like a mana black hole. You can sense things he can't, like the pulses of mana in the world around you. He needs to eat and sleep, and he needs a house to live in. You don't, but you still live in a house with Gramps because it's a nice human custom.

You ask Gramps about Sorey, and he explains everything to you. Sorey is a human with different needs and a different culture, and so he is different to you. You've always known Sorey was human, but it was a foreign concept before now. You thought it was a name for another kind of seraph, but no. Despite his race, you're still friends, and you're still family. You shake your head; you're not quite family. You're something else you can't quite comprehend. You ask Gramps one more question.

"Do humans live as long as us?"

You don't know why you ask, but it's a thought that enters your head. You understand death already after watching the seraphim hunt for Sorey's food, but that too seems like a faraway concept. When you see the deep set frown on Gramps' face, you know your fears have been realised. You find out then that while you'll live for centuries, Sorey would be lucky to see a hundred years.

This is what humanity means. They make the most of their short, short lives. You don't focus on that; you focus on how you can't spend forever with him. He'll spend his life with you, but you'll spend the rest of your life without him when he dies. He would only be a blip in your timeline. You remember certain humans can be reborn into seraphim, and your hope lasts all the way until you realise he wouldn't remember you. You don't know what's worse.

Your days are spent leaning your chin on Sorey's shoulder and reading with him. He's a quicker reader, and you have to stop him turning a page before you're done with it. Admittedly, you're slower because you focus on his warmth rather than the book. He always complains about how cold you are, but you shrug it off.

"I _ am _ a water seraph," you remind him.

"Yeah, but you're so… pointy!"

Pointy? You don't understand. You poke at yourself, but you come up short with an explanation. Sure, you're skinnier than Sorey, but you don't eat as much as he does. You don't really need to, so you don't see a point in wasting Sorey's resources. Still, there are times when Sorey doesn't eat because he forgets, and you have to almost shove food down his throat.

You try cooking once, and only once. You're a water seraph, yet a child, so you think elemental affinity doesn't affect cooking. You take some fresh prickleboar meat and try to cook it, but… All that remains in the pan is a blackened mess. Sorey laughs at you while you try to scrape it out of the pan, embarrassed.

"At least I tried!" you snap.

Immediately he eases up. "I'm sorry, Mikleo. D'you want me to help?"

You nod. Sorey is a nice person, just short sighted sometimes.

From there, you decide you'll stick to making frozen desserts. It's one thing you can do right, and Sorey ate it without question. You know it's not good for him, but anything is better than nothing. Adults are meant to take care of kids, but you want to look after Sorey. You can't explain this feeling, but you put it down as being family. You aren't, you know this, but you're meant to be.

Sorey has dreams beyond the village. He wants to explore, and he wants to see all the ruins of the world. You have to remind him that you have to stay in Elysia to look after things - because it's what Gramps raised you for. You can't go galavanting with Sorey to look at ruins, no matter how much you want to. He pauses.

"You can't come with?"

You shake your head and resist the urge to beg him to stay. You know that even if you tried, he wouldn't listen. He frowns at you, and you put a hand on your hip. You always try to act older than you are, but you're still only a child.

"No. We have to stay here," you say.

Sorey deflates. "You're right. I'd miss you if I went alone, anyway."

_ I'd miss you. _ Those words repeat on a loop like the call of a bird to its flock. You can't stop thinking about it, because every time you think about it, it makes you smile. It dries your throat and leaves you tongue tied. You say nothing else, mostly because you can't. Your face hurts from smiling, but you can't stop.

Later that day, you find Gramps and tell him you're sick. Your stomach feels awful, and your head is spinning. Your heart hurts like someone crushed it, and you feel weird all over. Are you dying? You might be. Oh no, what if you are?! He touches your forehead, but he looks at you knowingly with a little smile. He ruffles your hair.

"You're not sick," he said. "You'll be fine, Mikleo."

"I don't feel fine. Check me again!" you demand, but he doesn't.

"Go and get some rest, and you'll feel better."

You don't. For years and years, you'll never feel better.

***

The villagers sometimes bring new books. There's some factual, and some fictional. There's none that Sorey loves more than the Celestial Record, to the point where he can recite any line from it without looking. You're actually impressed with this skill, especially considering his memory isn't always great.

Despite his great love for that one tome, Sorey reads the books brought to him. You still read over his shoulder, though there comes a point where you're not reading, merely relaxing against him. You pay attention once every couple of pages, and you can generally surmise what's going on. Sorey will quote it back to you later, you figure, so you don't have to pay much attention.

He gets bored of fiction books with too much romance in them, and moves on quickly to the next book. If Sorey isn't interested, you aren't either, because you know you have the same taste. Or so you tell yourself. At the moment, however, you find yourself paying a touch more attention during the part where a man wins the fair maiden's heart with a gesture of love, or a bouquet of flowers or something. This makes sense. Then she kisses his face all over, and there are parts you don't understand and don't want to understand. At those points, Sorey closes the book and pretends it didn't happen, like you will forever more.

You can't stop thinking about the romance protagonists you've read about. It's just dumb literature, probably given to Sorey by mistake from someone else's personal collection. But it's all that's on your mind. You know the marigold flowers are in bloom at this time of year - they're pretty and kind of remind you of lions - so you sneak out of the village and grab a couple.

You don't know why you're doing this, but it makes sense to you. You've seen seraphim in the village kiss before, and you want that. You want Sorey to be so floored by the flowers that he'll kiss you. Honestly, you don't give much thought as to why you want this, but you want it. Is it because you're family? Well, the village is a big family, and people in the village kiss, so it's normal to want to kiss Sorey.

Isn't it?

You gather a bunch of marigolds, as many as your tiny hands can carry. Sorey isn't home, so you leave the makeshift bouquet by his bed in a vase. Flowers will die without water, you know this much. You don't wait for Sorey, because your heart feels like it'll explode if he sees you with the flowers. You hide somewhere in the village until nightfall, somehow expecting Sorey to find you. Of course he doesn't.

You're disappointed, but you should've expected this. You head home, dejected, but you find a mess of roots and dirt on your bed. You are so close to screaming, but you take a closer look. It looks like a bunch of uprooted plants. Peonies? You think that's what they are. You hate dirt. However, you love this gesture, because you know the only person who'd do it is Sorey. You take a little while to clean up the mess, unroot the peonies and put them in a jug you have laying around.

This is normal between family, you tell yourself. You're certain that, if Gramps got you flowers, your heart would race just the same.

***

You're twelve when you understand what's going on with you, and you realise you've been incredibly dense all this time. It feels like everyone knows but you - you and Sorey, you realise. Nothing changes between you, and you're glad and sad all at the same time. You want things to change, but you want things to stay the same forever. As long as you can stay by his side, that's all that matters to you.

You realise the tiny details about him. He has little dimples when he smiles. He snores a little while he sleeps. Sometimes he focuses so hard that he's unaware of anyone else in the room. He's a dork, but he's your dork, and putting it like that makes your heart skip a beat.

You throw blankets over him when he falls asleep, and you leave food for him when he wakes up. You're more like a housewife than a best friend, but you push that thought out. Seraphim don't get married, and they certainly don't marry humans. Most people consider an invisible spouse strange. While you're not certain, you're pretty sure it's taboo to marry humans anyway.

You imagine it anyway. You think of Sorey proposing to you and running off together like you're in a cheesy romance. Can two boys even marry? Even if you were human, even if he was a seraph, could this work? Your imagination is always shattered by reality, no matter how many scenarios you dream of. The reality is this: you are best friends, and it's how you'd stay. It's enough for now.

You promised you'd never tell him the truth, but you're not subtle, and he's not an idiot. If he's figured it out, he's kind enough not to say anything. In more hopeful moments, you wonder if he feels the same. He doesn't, not when he calls you family and treats you like you imagine one treats a sibling.

You know one day he'll leave Elysia and leave you behind. He'll find a human wife, one who will treat him right, and live a normal human life with her forevermore. You won't hang around him long enough to see that, because what would be the point if Sorey is the only one who can see you? Your childish imagination leaves an aftertaste of jealousy towards humans, a subconscious one you're not aware of yet. You hope he never meets another humans, but it's inevitable. He's not a seraph, and you're not one of his kind. He's almost a seraph, and he's part of the family. But he's not…

You force yourself to stop thinking about it, or you'll drive yourself mad. 

***

At fourteen, you're a mess.

Not that you ever _ not _ a mess, but still.

You're in love with Sorey, and no amount of rationalizing it will stop the ache in your heart. You've been keeping this big secret for years, and it feels like it's ripping apart at the seams of your sanity. You've tried to look at someone else - anyone else - in a romantic manner, you've tried ignoring it, you've tried faking being sick to avoid Sorey. You've tried, and tried, and tried, but it all leads back to him.

As much as it hurts, you still love him. You love Sorey, this sweet idiot, this gentle soul, this pure angel. And yet you remain an idiot. It might help to say something, or it might strain the friendship. You don't want to ruin the best thing in your life, but you also kind of do; you have to break a few eggs to make an omelette, so they say. You could also end up burning that omelette, so you don't know if it's worth the risk.

You've been arguing with yourself about it for two years, but you remain in a stalemate with yourself. No matter what side you fall on, it's an argument you'll never win. The argument flares up again when you're with Sorey, leaning against him while he reads. You don't even bother pretending to read anymore - he tells you all the interesting bits, and you reread it when he's asleep. All you want to do is take his arm and wrap it around you, but you don't. You don't because it would change things. You don't because you'll make Sorey uncomfortable. You'll stay in this status quo forever if you have to.

There comes a day when you've been exploring beyond the village with Sorey. You're old enough to be trusted on your own - like that's ever stopped either of you going out the village limits a couple of times. This is different, because now you can do as you please. You can run off together, play together, and explore together.

You find the ruins outside your village, and Sorey falls in love with it almost immediately. The sound of excitement coming out of his mouth is high pitched enough to hurt your ears, but you don't comment. It's kind of cute. You're both examining the walls, sharing your theories about this place. It's in the Celestial Record, and you're not surprised when Sorey recites that passage.

"You're a dork," you laugh.

"I'm learned," he shrugs.

"Yeah, a learned dork."

He shoves you with a laugh, and you shove him back. You're still tiny compared to him, and you still hate it. He can best you in strength, but you can best him in artes, which isn't a fair comparison. You're learning how to use a staff for that reason: one day, you'll kick his ass in hand to hand combat. Maybe he'll be so impressed that-

The thought is cut before you can go further.

By the time Sorey has had his fill for the day, the sun had already begun to set. You need to get home before Gramps yells at you, but Sorey isn't in any hurry. He never is when it comes to ruins. You feel sorry for the human girl who will have to contend with Sorey's love of ruins. It takes you holding his arm and gently pulling him away for Sorey to listen.

You don't let go, despite knowing you should. He doesn't tell you to let go, which for some reason you take as _ don't ever let me go _. So you listen to the Sorey that's in your head and ignore reality for a little while longer. Sorey jiggles his arm free, and you immediately release it, you hand falling limp to your side. Something slips into your palm and between your fingers, and when you look down, you see Sorey's hand in yours.

Oh. _ Oh _.

You try to act cool, but your body temperature shoots up. You don't look at him, instead focusing your attention on the patch of peonies up ahead. You're reminded of those flowers you'd left for him, and even to this day, you feel idiotic for leaving those flowers four years ago. You're an idiot. Lords, you're so-

"I never did ask who left those flowers in my room," Sorey said. "But it was you, wasn't it? I hope it was you anyway."

You try to mutter an excuse, but your tongue is useless and limp in your mouth. You do have one comeback, though.

"You left dirt on my bed," you huff.

Sorey rubs the back of his neck. "Hah, uh, well…"

You smile because you knew it, and because you're never glad. You sneak a look at him, but he's not looking at you either. You're both disasters, and you can't help but laugh. You lean your head on his shoulder, comfortable. Neither of you talk any further; there is no _ what are we?, _ no awkward conversations, there is only this. And you would hold this moment with both hands.

***

It's been a few months, and you still don't talk about it.

You wouldn't say you're _ nothing _, but you aren't anything, which is basically the same. The good news is that nothing changes. The bad news is that nothing changes. You still explore ruins together, and sometimes you go back home holding hands. You still 'read' over his shoulder, but he's started falling asleep on you. Even though you don't need to sleep, you sleep with him anyway.

The feelings turn into a caged hellion, gnawing at the bars and snarling at you. The bars are thin, and it will eventually chew through them, and you're afraid of that. You don't know what you'll do when it happens, but you hope the feelings will run away instead. You didn't ask for this; actually, you've been begging for the opposite.

It's late, and you're still at Sorey's house. You should leave soon, but not yet. You're going over what you found in the ruins, whether or not it had ties to the Shepherd, and there comes a point where you're paying more attention to the light in his eyes than ruins. You are useless and hopeless. He waves at you.

"Mikleo? You in there?" he asks.

Something inside you snaps like a dry twig from a tree. The hellion in your heart had chewed through its cage, and you're going to be left to deal with the aftermath. In that moment, you don't care.

"Why didn't we ever talk about it? Why can't we have an honest conversation about us?" you ask. "It isn't a secret how I feel, and I think you're giving me hints, but I don't know. I want to know for sure."

Lords, you want to get over him if he doesn't feel the same, but if there's a chance he loves you back… He looks at you like you've gone mad, and you kind of have, but you don't back down.

"I didn't know there was anything to talk about," he says quietly.

"You left me flowers," you argue.

"Because you left them for me. I thought it was weird not to leave you some too."

Your resolve wavers, but you can't give in now. You stand up.

"You keep holding my hand! You can't deny that," you say.

He pulls a face, confused. "You're the one who's been grabbing my hand!"

You search your memory, thinking he's wrong, but maybe he isn't. No, you know he isn't. You wanted him to hold your hand so badly that, subconsciously, you reached for his hand. You're the one who grabbed his hand. You're the only one with anything to talk about. The memory sinks in as blood drains from your system in horror.

"Wait a sec. Mikleo, are you in l-"

You don't let him finish that thought. You leave his house and you don't talk to him for a week afterwards. You are so stupid. You are a moron. Sorey will never want to talk to you again in fear you'll carry on this imaginary relationship. You want to die. You certainly never want to discuss this again.

When the week is up, Sorey chases after you. You're disappointed you can't disappear into thin air, and you're even more annoyed that you're not faster than him. You try running anyway, and you end up being tackled to the ground.

"I'm not a prickleboar for you to hunt!" you shout.

"It's the only way I could think of to stop you," he says.

You roll over, and he offers a hand to help you up. You won't take it - you refuse to hold his hand ever again. He shrugs and sits down with you instead, but all you want is to ignore him. You decide to stay put because you don't exactly fancy your chances at being tackled to the ground again. You don't say anything, but thankfully, he's in the mood for talking at you instead.

"So, the other night, right?" he says with an awkward laugh.

"I don't want to talk about it," you mutter.

"I get it," he says, "but even if we don't talk about it, I still wanna be friends."

You pause. He's smiling at you in that way that you love, and you want to blurt out even more of your feelings. You're lucky you usually have a good filter, so you keep your mouth shut. You've made things weird enough without adding to it. There's only one word sitting on your tongue.

"Why?"

"This shouldn't change things. You're still my best friend, and we've stuck together no matter what," he says.

"Even this?" you ask, and he nods.

"You're my brother, and I love you."

You want him to love you, but not like this. It makes your love sound dirty and taboo, though in many ways, you suppose it is. You were raised together, and he's still human. He'll assign your relationship as familial because it's what humans do. At least he hasn't stopped caring about you; you'll take all the victories you can, no matter how small.

***

At eighteen, you face your worst fear.

Your fear is dressed in pink armour, with her platinum hair tied back in a ponytail. She holds herself tall, and she has a warm smile on her face. She's definitely human, and one without resonance at that. Sorey is taken by her immediately, but you're not. You don't trust her for legitimate reasons: you don't know her and she's a human.

"I'm human too," Sorey shrugs.

But Sorey is different. He's one of you in all but blood. The argument is lost before it can truly begin; now that he's met a human, he doesn't see himself as one of you. He's right, he's human. You can't forget that, and you don't let yourself forget that.

His bright idea is to take her home to Elysia, even though Gramps will lose it if he saw her. You tell him not to, but he doesn't listen, like he doesn't listen when he's exploring the ruins. You stare at this girl for longer than necessary, but she doesn't notice you. You resent her for something that isn't her fault, but you can't help yourself. You've known this day would come, the day where Sorey meets his first human and leaves you to stay with her. You just hoped it wouldn't happen so soon.

The two of them are practically jogging off ahead while you trail behind, pouting. You pass by a familiar field of flowers; marigolds and peonies. You pick a marigold and examine it for a moment, before looking back at Sorey and that girl.

Oh yes, you are jealous. You're jealous of humans, and you're definitely jealous of that girl. You'll never tell either of them as much, for this time, you will keep your secret.

**Author's Note:**

> Took a break from serious writing to write this. Was only going to be 1k. Ended up falling in love with it :') I don't normally write angst with sad ends but here we go
> 
> Bug me on [Tumblr](http://vehicroids.tumblr.com) || [Twitter](https://twitter.com/vehicroids)
> 
> And the SorMik Week's [Tumblr](http://sormikweek.tumblr.com) || [Twitter](https://twitter.com/sormikweek)


End file.
